What did I really want?
The two months I spent back at home proved to be invaluable. It provided the time and space I needed to do some serious planning. In fact, it would have been perfect had it not been for the fact that I sensed some resentment among other family members. Yes, I’m sure they thought I was “back home for good” – home to sponge off my parents. Hey, it’s not like I was 20 again. At 46, that would have been weird, and it’s simply not the way I wanted to do things.
As to why I turned up at my parents’ door: I don’t have a good answer for that. As I mentioned, I certainly had enough money to rent a place for a while. I suppose I reasoned that until I knew what I was going to do, it made little sense to buy or even rent a space to live yet. Besides, I needed comfort and familiarity at that point – I can’t explain why.
Now, after a bit of contemplating, I began to put a few things together in my head. I imagined different scenarios and ways that I could achieve my goals. These thoughts flooded my brain in a torrent. Every imaginable idea presented itself from the practical to the impractical, to the outrageous. Most, however, were fragmented and random – there was no structure – no practical way to implement them. Something was missing.
I realized I had no hope of putting anything together because I had no direction – I really didn’t know what I wanted. Sure, I wanted less stress, more leisure time, and more control over my life, but that was very vague – too vague, in fact, to start implementing solutions.
So, I sat down and took a long hard look at my life and what I truly wanted. I came up with the following:
1. I wanted independence. I knew there was no way I could go back to the 9-5 grind. In fact, the thought of working for anyone ever again depressed the hell out of me. I knew that I wouldn’t (couldn’t) ever be that faithful employee. I would never allow myself to be controlled like that again.
2. I wanted more free time – to come and go as I pleased. Having ample time to pursue non-work related pastimes was important. If working was going to be a necessary evil, I wanted it to be on my terms. Surly, there was a way to create my own schedule – to take time off as needed.
3. I wanted to adopt a minimalist lifestyle. Actually, I was well on my way since ditching that high-stress job in the city and bowing out of the hyper-consumer lifestyle that I led. I don’t know, but adopting this way of life just felt right – I slept better at night. Now, trying to wean myself from that excessive lifestyle was difficult. Initially, I felt like such a loser, but that was more of a self-esteem issue than anything.
Bottom line: I had to generate a little money in order to be self-sufficient. The alternative was waiting until my money ran out and then being forced to live on government assistance. That would mean compliance with their rules, and that would defeat the purpose.
Now, I suppose I could have purchased a plot of land and started growing my own food with the hopes of achieving self-sustainability, but that’s just not me. I wouldn’t have the knowledge or aptitude to follow through with such a thing. I was a product of modern society, whether I liked it or not.
There had to be a middle ground – a way to satisfy my wants and needs while still remaining within the system. Yes, try as I might, I couldn’t imagine breaking free entirely. I simply couldn’t survive without being able to generate a little cash to cover my basic needs.
Even though the system still had a grip on me, I was not obliged to fully embrace it.
Next: I’ll start talking about the plan I implemented.
Filed under: A new life • Becoming self-sufficient
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Hello there! Glad to see you’re publishing again! I wanted to congratulate you on this next step, and mention a few of my own anecdotes from the world of joblessness.
After spending a couple of years doing only self-employment (eBay and Amazon) and living a very basic lifestyle, I once again desired to see something besides the same four walls of my home (so to speak). So I re-entered the work force, though strictly on a part-time basis. This provided me with a steadier income, which was nice, and also got me out on a regular basis, which I found cathartic. Most importantly, however, was the fact that I had made the choice very consciously.
This sounds like the sort of thing you’ve been doing; sorting through your thoughts and feelings so that you can make better-informed choices. Informed by what is most important to you, and not what society would deem more worthwhile.
When I started my new job, I had fun learning all the new tasks. I enjoyed the fact that there were many facets to the position; this kept me from getting bored. I was able to work joyfully, when many around me, both the full-timers and the part-timers, seemed frazzled and unhappy. I also felt empowered to suggest changes to the workflow that made my body happier (i.e. avoided repetitive stress injuries), as well as voice my preferences about various things. Gone were my concerns over losing my job, because, quite simply, I always had in the back of my mind that I didn’t NEED it. I was there by choice, and could walk away if it became too unpleasant, because I didn’t allow my lifestyle to once more get out of control (e.g., my outgo to exceed my income
.
I don’t know where your journey is taking/will take you, but I just wanted to give you another pat on the back, and share these insights with you and your readers. Some choices are tougher than others, and the choice to live simply can be a very tough one to implement. It can, however, be most rewarding. I now have plenty of money for my favorite pastimes, and, lo and behold, ample time as well!
Kudos, and good luck!
-auri
Hi Phil,
don’t give up finding out about your dreams and trying to live them. Your thinking and mindset is already there, just the how-to you have to figure out for your needs.
I couldn’t find that much details where you lived during your ‘sabbatical’, so maybe some of my question may seem odd to you:
Did you consider to move to a lower-cost-of-living country?
Maybe you want to check ways on developing several independant income streams beside your labour?
That helped me for instance to become self-sustainable.
Low demands you have already and a Basic Lifestyle is good for someone who can handle it. I guess you do.
So it’s really only about finding ways to monetarily support your future lifestyle.
You could try to do more on the internet with establishing sources of income from that or try to buy a property and rent it out? The smaller, the easier those usually turn break-even and better. Create income in high-cost countries and live in low-cost countries like a king. No need to return to 9-5, right?
Don’t give up on that and don’t see your experiences as setbacks. They are merely wonderful and valuable lessons learned on the way to try again and finally getting there.
I wish you all the luck and courage of this world. But you will make it anyway, I’m 100% sure, because I was there as well.
Cheers from Bali,
Chris
Life is what you make it!
http://www.nomad4ever.com