I’ve always had a tough time getting back into the swing of things after a summer vacation. This year was no exception. Maybe it was the gorgeous weather we had. It was a little on the warm side, but that’s the way I like it.

I spent three weeks simply relaxing and doing nothing and it was just great. We spent a lot of time at the beach and in the back yard. I even got in a few rounds of golf. We spent three days camping up north and the weather was absolutely stellar.

Most years we head out to Virginia Beach for the annual two-week vacation. However, this year we decided to see what it would be like to just stay at home and do “day trips.”

It didn’t take long to realize that we didn’t miss the 14-hour drive, the packing, the hotels and having to eat out all the time. We had everything we needed already. We should have planned this years ago. The best part was saving the thousands that we normally spend on the yearly get-a-way.

Vacations are funny things. Well, at least for me they are.

The first week was spent just winding down. In fact, in the first few days I found myself thinking about things at work. Did I take care of all the loose ends? Did I turn off my voice-mail? I think I forgot to tell my replacement about a critical deadline, etc… I just couldn’t wind down.

The second week was just great. I had totally forgotten about things I might have left unfinished at work. In fact, I couldn’t have cared less. I was enjoying myself. Sleeping in and waking up naturally, instead of being jolted into reality by the dreaded alarm clock. Having coffee on the back deck as we listened to the neighborhood come alive. The “worker drones” hitting the road for the long commute into the city.

In the second week, I felt as though I had all the time in the world. By this time I’d officially wound down. Work (and thinking of when I had to start back) was so far away, it didn’t even matter. I felt free, and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

This year we spent a lot of time on the beach. There is nothing better than the smell of the water, sun block and fresh air. Even when it rains, it still beats a day in the office any day.

The weather was so warm this summer that we were able to stay into the evening. We spent a few nights just watching the sun set on the water, and later we would go for a stroll along the boardwalk. Even at 10pm, there were many people still out enjoying the warm summer nights. I was so far removed from the stresses of the rat race, it was as if I were a different person, leading a completely different life.

I realized at that moment that the simple pleasures in life really are free. I didn’t need the big house, the expensive car, or any of the toys. In fact, I didn’t need the suburban lifestyle at all. It was simply an illusion of happiness and contentment. That lifestyle ensured that I would remain a slave to the system until my retirement. But, here I was, totally stripped of everything but my shirt, shorts and sandals, and I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. I could think more clearly and was genuinely happier than I had ever been in my life. I felt free. Free because at that moment I realized that I could be happy and content without anything the rat-race lifestyle could offer me.

The third week was much like the second. We spent a few days at the house, a few at the beach and the rest exploring a few small towns in the area. People seem to be a lot happier in small towns. Many swear that they would never have anything to do with the city life. They have obviously not been influenced by the hyper-consumption life style that afflicts so many of us city dwellers. I envied them.

The third week was good, but it wasn’t the same as the second. Nothing was different on the surface. We still had great weather and we were enjoying our daytime outings, but something was different. There was a nagging feeling… Very insignificant at first, but it seemed to gain momentum as the week drew to a close.

I mean, I knew what it was, but I tried to ignore it as much as possible. It would win eventually, however. It would grab me and snatch me, against my will, from the wonderful lifestyle we had adopted over the last few weeks. It would be like a hard slap in the face, waking me from my newly found contentment. The rat race was calling me. Welcoming me back and ensuring that I would soon know who was boss. It was determined to make me suffer for the last few weeks of enjoyment. It was letting me know that my brief encounter with freedom and true happiness was, but an illusion. It would make me realize that I was still owned and that I would be whipped back into shape very, very soon.

Yes, I was owned by the rat race. I was destined for crowded highways, office politics and the meaningless drudgery of the day-to-day life of a cubicle dweller. Any enjoyment, contentment and original thoughts would soon be a distant memory. I felt *distressed*?

I’ve been somewhat negligent as far as my health goes. Obviously, this is more important than the financial side of things. If you don’t have your health, you have nothing.

Ok, now… where to start?

I’m 44, 5’11″ and I weigh in at 260 lbs. According to my doctor, I am 80 lbs. overweight. Actually, I’m in the obese category according to my body mass index. I also have high blood pressure (I’m on pills for this) and stomach ulcers (also on pills for this).

The only exercise I get is a bit of yard work, and whatever walking I do during the work day. I haven’t seriously exercised in years.

I believe I have a drinking problem. I have 2-3 drinks everyday after work. On the weekend it’s much more than that.

I’m a glutton when it comes to food. I eat excessively. I love rich food. When I’m drinking beer, I snack on potato chips, nachos and the like.

I’m never satisfied with one portion. I eat until I’m uncomfortable. All-you-can-eat restaurants are my favorite.

Yeah, I eat vegetables, but not nearly enough. I tend to fill up on the “good” stuff (high fat, high sugar, high salt). Actually, my doctor told me to cut out all salt.

I love outdoor patios in the summer. We meet downtown after work on many nights to enjoy a few pitchers of beer and some wings. That’s really my thing, I love it.

The only thing missing here is smoking. Fortunately, I never picked up that habit.

Now, needless to say, this lifestyle is taking its toll on me. I’m probably a prime candidate for a heart attack. I don’t know how it got to this point, except to say that I have always had this impression that I could handle anything. Maybe that works in your 20′s, but it certainly should be a wake-up call once you are middle-aged.

I’ve booked myself in for a complete physical this week. I want to start with a clean bill of health, hopefully.

Now, I know I’m very overweight, but if everything else checks out ok, I’ll ask my doctor about starting a diet and exercise routine. He loves it when people make an effort to help themselves. He’s going to be shocked when I ask his advice on this. He’s been lecturing me for years.

I’m going to wait for the results of my physical before I commit to a serious exercise and diet routine. However, there are things that I can do now to get a little head start. I’m aware of all my bad eating habits so my plan will be to cut down on junk food and start walking a little more, until the test results are back.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that fries and gravy for lunch everyday is unhealthy. There’s a step I can take. Substitute salad or sandwich, for fries. This won’t be easy as I’ve been eating fries for lunch for years; the same restaurant. They even have my order ready at 12:15 everyday. It’s very sad, indeed.

Now I’ll apply the same to my breakfast; substituting oatmeal for bacon and eggs. Dinner will be just dinner. I’ll cut out the pre-dinner drinks and snacks. There will also be no bed-time snack. A glass of water, perhaps. Oh, and speaking of water, I’ll try to drink the recommended 8 glasses a day (minus the scotch).

On the exercise front, I think I will start with walking a bit each day. Actually, I am sure that I will be walking for many months before I can think of *gasp* running. I’m definitely not going to over-do it here. I need to start very, very slowly. Hey, that was a joke. There is no way I could ever see myself running. Eventually, I might start biking. I’m too big for the seat the way I am now. Not to mention, not wanting to give the neighbors a scare.

Moderation is going to be my main theme for the time being. I’ve tried several diets and, while some are quite effective, they don’t result in permanent weight loss. I find that the healthiest way to lose weight is to simply cut down on the garbage food (I’m well aware of what this is) and eat in moderation. Moderation…is the key.

Combining that diet philosophy with exercise (also moderate) is an unbeatable combination.

Ok, so you’re probably wondering why I chose to make the decisions I made, and in particular, why I started this site in the first place.

That’s a fair question, believe me. I’ve been wondering the same thing. I suppose what I am really looking for is a place to document my experiences, thoughts, day-to-day challenges and triumphs.

You might ask then, why I did not just write a personal journal. Well, another fair question. I suppose that I felt like sharing my experience with others. I mean even though each individual person has unique circumstances, there must be others out there that are sick of their jobs, or their lifestyles, or maybe both, as in my case. Some may find this enlightening or inspirational, while others might find it silly and superficial. That’s up to you. One thing I will promise is that I will always tell it like it is; period.

In order to tell you what prompted me to make these changes, I will have to let you in on a few events that occurred recently and changed the way I look at life. Basically, three things happened in a very short span that would make me re-evaluate things in short order.

1. Six months ago, I attended a funeral for one of my co-workers. Stan was a manager and worked in another department. We were friends years ago when we were both working in the London, Ont. branch. We hadn’t really kept in touch for a few years, but the news of his death came as a shock. He was 49 and died of a massive heart attack. He also left behind a young family.

His death affected me in ways I could not have imagined. I felt as though I had lost a brother. I felt so sorry for his family.

As bad as I felt for Stan and his family, in the coming weeks, I found myself obsessively thinking about my own mortality. Not only was he only 5 years my senior, he also led a very similar lifestyle to mine. I was concerned.

2. About a month ago, I received a written warning from my manager about drinking on the job.

Our department had taken one of the secretaries out for her birthday. We all had at least a pint; some had more than one. This was lunch, by the way. I was one of the individuals who had more than one beer.

Returning to the office, I was sure I had things under control. I mean, even the managers, and VP’s for that matter, had a few for lunch (I know this for a fact) on occasion.

I had settled into my cubical and was carrying on with my job, when I was approached by someone from another department and asked about some paperwork for an on-going account. 1 hour later, I was sitting in my manager’s office.
I’ll spare you the details, but needless to say I was offered help, and given a warning letter at the same time. The letter came the next day actually.

I felt like quitting on the spot. I was humiliated and felt betrayed. I had never had any sort of disciplinary action brought against me in my entire working career. I was the senior person in our department, but that didn’t seem to be worth much. I was technically intoxicated at my workstation; cut and dried. My manager is actually not a bad person, and I could tell that what he did, he did reluctantly. But rules are rules.

I hated my job before that incident, but now, I was seething. I wanted to gather all the VP’s together and just tell them exactly what I thought of them and the company. It took me a long time to cool off from that episode.

One good thing that came out of all that is that I no longer have any feelings of loyalty towards the corporation. When I finally do decide to hand in my resignation, it will be with no reserves and guilt free.

3. Now the final incident is really the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I live common-law with my girlfriend, Donna. We have been together for a few years now. We are co-owners of the house we live in and get along pretty well most times.

She is a very sociable person and one of the things we enjoy doing on the weekends is getting together with friends, whether at our house or wherever we happen to be invited to.

For the last year, she seems to be getting pretty chummy with the neighbors (Anne and Steve) 2 doors down. Actually, she is much friendlier with Steve. So much so, that I had to keep reminding myself that we are all just friends.

Now, I am not a jealous person, but the two of them just seem to have connected in some way that is beyond the good neighbor relationship. Anne and Steve usually attend the same get-togethers, and when Donna and Steve meet up, it’s like they communicate on some secret level with their sly, knowing looks. Donna perks right up when Steve is around. Others have noticed it too. I have walked into a room where the other wives have been talking. I think I know what’s going on. Again, I’m not some insecure, paranoid and jealous loser, but I hate to be made a fool of.

The weekend after my work episode, we were invited to a party at a neighbor next door. As usual, Anne and Steve were there and again my senses picked up on something between Donna and Steve.

I was still pissed off at the warning letter fiasco and I was drinking a lot more than I normally do. Around mid-night, I noticed that Donna and Steve had disappeared. Anne had also noticed this. We both walked through the neighborhood, but they were nowhere to be found. Anne started crying and I went to console her with a hug. Now I was drunk and I believe she was a little tipsy also. The next thing I did was to move my face towards hers and I tried to kiss her. I didn’t get the response I had hoped for. She turned away and immediately stopped crying. She looked at me with the coldest look I ever saw anyone give. Her only words were: F**k off. She ran back to the house and by this time the other two had returned. They had gone to get ice.

The rest of the night was a blur. I briefly remember arguing with Steve. Anne had gone home and Donna was not talking to me.

I woke up on the couch in the morning feeling more tired, sick and physically wasted than I had ever felt before. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was staring back at an old man. I was thoroughly disgusted. There I was, fat, hung-over and… “old.” I was 44, but looked like 60. I vowed that I would never touch another drop.
Little did I realize that drinking was just a small part of the overall picture.

Donna greeted me with a holier-than-thou attitude that morning. I was scolded like a small child. She seemed to take pleasure in the fact that I had gotten caught. How hypocritical can you get? I didn’t argue. I just packed a bag and left.

Before leaving, however, I went to see Anne and Steve to try to offer my apologies. As expected, they weren’t very friendly towards me. I apologized to both of them (well mainly Anne, since Steve would try the same with Donna, if given the chance) and I left. Keep in mind that I do not try it on with my friends’ wives as a habit. I felt that something was going on with our spouses and that maybe it was a way of getting even in some odd way. Really, Anne isn’t even my type.

I took a week of last-minute vacation time and headed off on a soul-searching adventure. I needed time to think clearly and make plans. I had to change my life and turn things around before it was too late. I was, after all, just 44.

A week in the wilderness can do wonders for a person. I was able to sit down and analyze things without all the “background noise.” I devised a plan and was determined to see it through.

I am living back at home for now. Donna is still here, for now, and I feel as though I have been super-charged. The act of simply making the decision to change things has been euphoric. I can’t wipe the smile off my face.

No one is talking to me yet. I don’t care, because they don’t fit into my plans anyway.