The feelings of anxiety, remorse, and depression continued. However, I attributed that to the fact that I had torn myself away from the only life I had ever known – a life that I had become very comfortable with.

I felt useless, as feelings of guilt continued to dominate my thoughts – but guilty of what – for not hunkering down and contributing towards the betterment of humanity? That would be a valid point, if we all played by the same rules, but that’s never the case – there will always be corruption and inequality in the system.

Besides, these days it seems as though everyone’s main goal is to look out for number one and achieve your goals by any means possible. Not much community spirit there, I’m afraid.

It took me about a month to de-compress and return, once more, towards a more neutral outlook on life. It’s amazing how quickly and efficiently we allow ourselves to become brainwashed by society’s “norms” – work, pay bills, buy junk, pay debt, pay taxes and do it all over again.

We are, after all, conditioned from the get go. Starting in grade school and never looking back. Few of us ever consider that there are other alternatives. We get swept into the system and shown how to live our lives. Those who are a little less submissive are cast aside by society. People can be very intolerant and there is no room for someone who does not “pull his/her weight.”

Where does it say that in order to contribute to society, one must follow the tried and tested formula of the wage-slave? If one chooses a more independent path, does that make them a social misfit, a slacker, or a troublemaker? Sadly, the majority of people would say yes. Why?

My guess is jealously. They might secretly want to break free, except that they feel obligated, somehow, to the system and society’s norms. They feel pressured to perform in a pre-determined way driven by fear, guilt, and shame. Attacking the values of the freedom seeker allows the righteous wage-slave to feel better about his/her own situation as they confirm in their own mind that they have indeed made the right choice.

After about a month of doing nothing but worrying, I started feeling better. In fact, I started feeling a lot better. I was my old self again after twenty years of wage-slavery.

I got into a routine that started with an early morning walk, followed by a stop at the local coffee house. I just love sitting there reading a newspaper and occasionally glancing up to see the carnage on the streets. I wonder if these people know how stressed and unhappy they look?

As for me, I can’t imagine ever going back to that. In fact, I can’t imagine how I lasted twenty years.

Filed under: Unemployed

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!