theratracejournal.com

I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed the last eight months. To have had 100% of my time to do whatever I desired was truly priceless. In particular, I’ve had time to really contemplate life without having the usual background noise. By background noise, I mean the never-ending work-related thoughts and stress. Looking back now, I realize that there was always something nagging away at me just below the surface – something nipping at my heels and never allowing me to truly relax. (more…)

Life for the unemployed person can be challenging. The fact that society frowns upon the entire idea of not being gainfully employed is difficult to deal with. Many people feel that it is their duty to voice their disapproval – some subtly, and some not. As if I need to be scolded like some small child that is misbehaving, many view voluntary unemployment as anti-social behavior that must be corrected. Sigh… (more…)

The feelings of anxiety, remorse, and depression continued. However, I attributed that to the fact that I had torn myself away from the only life I had ever known - a life that I had become very comfortable with.

I felt useless, as feelings of guilt continued to dominate my thoughts - but guilty of what - for not hunkering down and contributing towards the betterment of humanity? That would be a valid point, if we all played by the same rules, but that’s never the case – there will always be corruption and inequality in the system. (more…)

It took a while to completely detach myself from my job – financially and emotionally. Not receiving a paycheck was bad enough; however, I wasn’t prepared for the sense of loss I felt in other ways. For lack of a better word, I realized that I had a certain emotional attachment to my job. (more…)

I moved to the city just before Christmas and got a bachelor apartment near the downtown core and my job. It was great walking to work in the morning while listening to the traffic reports. I obviously didn’t miss the commute.

Everything was coming together as planned. I was saving most of my pay-check and looking forward to the day that I’d give my two weeks notice. What I didn’t know was that the time would come sooner, rather than later.

I got caught up in a political mess at work, stepped on some toes, and got called into the boss’s office. He handed me my second warning letter (the first was for having a 3 martini lunch a while back) and later that day, I handed him my two weeks notice.

Afterwards, I felt a sick sense of panic as I realized I had just thrown away all the security I had in the world. I also flushed all those years of exemplary work down the toilet – not to mention my pension and whatnot. I felt as though I had nothing – alone and scared, I went into a depression for a few weeks.

It would be hard for me to adequately describe the days following my resignation, except to say that I felt as though I had detached myself from security and life in the “normal” world. It’s one thing to think about quitting, but another to actually do it. What’s that saying? “This shit just got real.”

I thought they might have escorted me out of the building, but I guess they needed me to work with my replacement to ensure a smooth transaction. Actually, I half expected them to counter with a proposal (a raise, perhaps). That just wasn’t in the cards, however. I worked my last 2 weeks to rule, and was probably not very helpful to my replacement (although he was a decent sort).

I was totally taken back by the lack of concern on their (management) part. They acted as though nothing had happened, and the office continued to hum along (and would continue to hum, long after I was gone).

I now know that anyone is replaceable in a corporation, and although you may think you are irreplaceable, you’re not. The corporate machine will stay intact and carry on.

I doubt that I would have accepted a counter offer, but it just burns my ass that nothing was offered at all.

The whole experience was like breaking up with a long-time girlfriend or wife. My job was a big part of my life and much of who I was as a person. It didn’t entirely determine my sense of purpose or self-worth, but it certainly was a big influence.

It’s been about 10 months, but I’m back. I doubt if anyone reads this blog anymore since it hasn’t been updated in such a long time. I’ll likely be updating it daily from here on out for anyone that’s interested.

A lot has changed since I posted in November of 2005. Actually, I don’t know where to begin. I’ll give you a quick update:
My weight problem is a thing of the past. I’ve been on a strict diet and exercise program since last year and I managed to come down to 190lbs. Not bad, considering that I weighed in at 260 a little over a year ago. I’m still constantly hungry, but I feel so much better now. I would never go back to my previous lifestyle – over consumption (in anything) is not a good thing. It took me a long time to figure that one out. Moderation is the key.

My original plan was to sell the house, move to the city, get a room, save all my wages, then hopefully retire to a very frugal lifestyle.

Well, I did sell the house last December. I really took a bath on the deal though. I sold it for less than market value because of the bickering going on between my ex and me. The buyer was crafty and he picked up on the fact that I was desperate. What can I say? He got a deal, and I got my piece of mind back.

I’m now living back in the city. I’m “unemployed” and loving every minute of it. It was difficult to tear myself away from the corporate teat, but now I can see that I made the right decision. I’ve been reborn and feel as though the possibilities are endless.

One thing I learned, is that anything is possible as long as you get over the fear. Life is too short to spend it in misery and money (although necessary for survival) will not buy you happiness. Time, and the ability to spend it as you choose, is what’s really important.

Although I don’t have enough money to officially “retire,” I know that I will never again waste one minute of my precious time doing something I don’t like. I will work for minimum wage if I have to. I’ll work at a McDonalds and have a teenage boss if necessary – But I will never whore myself out to some faceless corporation, doing a mindless job, just for the money. Some things are more important.

So, that’s about it. I have enough money to live on for a few years if I’m very frugal - Frugal means only buying the necessities and giving up all luxuries. Do I care? Nope, because the free time I’m enjoying now is priceless.