Even though it’s been months since I turned my back on the rat-race, I still feel lost. Not to be confused with the sense of loss I felt after I actually quit that horrible job. No, this is more of an existential thing. It’s not one thing in particular, it’s everything.

I’ve had 8 months to try to find myself, and I still don’t have a clue. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and not really accomplishing anything.

I am ok financially, for now, yet I feel as though I am still in a race against time – that I should be doing something more productive – that I should be out there gathering acorns for the winter – that I should be doing something that contributes toward society and gives me a sense of purpose.

I don’t know if I’ll ever shake that feeling completely.

In the meantime, I really, really need to do some soul-searching and serious thinking. I need an inspiration.

I hate to say it, but our system is set up so that people almost have no option but to “sell out to the man.” One way or another, we need money to survive. If this were a hundred years ago, and I had a chance to work a plot of land, then I’d be doing just that – but those days are long gone. Our population can’t be fed without the use of highly efficient farming operations. Could you imagine everyone being forced to farm for a living? There’s simply not enough land. Read the rest of this entry