theratracejournal.com

It took a while to completely detach myself from my job – financially and emotionally. Not receiving a paycheck was bad enough; however, I wasn’t prepared for the sense of loss I felt in other ways. For lack of a better word, I realized that I had a certain emotional attachment to my job.

Even though I hated everything about the daily drudgery, I guess there was a sense of orderly routine that kept the “worker drone” part of me happy. I knew what was expected, and I performed those tasks in return for a paycheck and security. I suppose I enjoyed that structure and piece of mind at some deeper level.

However, that security was not free - it came with huge price tag.

The price for security and piece of mind was forfeiture of my freedom, individuality, and creativity.

It’s hard to see all this when you are on the inside looking out. And, let’s face it, a good deal of brainwashing and conditioning can be achieved very subtly over a long period of time.

Yes, I realized that after twenty years, I had become conditioned, and my daily office tasks were as much a part of my routine as showering, brushing my teeth, and dressing in the morning.

As crazy as it sounds, a part of me missed that.

During the first month, I experienced a lot of anxiety. I kept questioning whether or not I had made the right decision. I worried about what would happen to me (even though I was still ok financially). I felt a diminished sense of worth and purpose.

Here’s the good news: It didn’t last. Eventually, I was able to detach myself from the world of the wage-slave, look back, and see things for what they really were – and let me tell you, it was ugly.